


"How Did You Manage To Spend 45 Minutes In The Shower?"

by MogmaMittens



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Fluff and Smut, Hand Jobs, Inappropriate Usage of Conditioner, Inappropriate Usage of Noct's Probably Hilariously Expensive Shower Head, M/M, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Shower Sex, also, the conditioner doesn't go up anyone's ass though so dw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-15
Updated: 2017-04-15
Packaged: 2018-10-19 04:35:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10632318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MogmaMittens/pseuds/MogmaMittens
Summary: “How keen are you on indulging me? Just for a moment.”“That’sominous.” Detachable shower heads were dangerous. He could like, thwack him over the head with it. Or shove it up his ass, which would be worse.





	

“I’m not gonna  _ die  _ if you don’t get all the conditioner out,” Noct said, snickering when Ignis hummed disapprovingly. It was true, though. He didn’t get all of the conditioner out of his bangs, like, at least half of the time and it was  _ fine.  _ They got a little greasy faster, sure, but that’s what showering again the next day was for. It wasn’t like they were in a drought or anything. 

 

They were showering together, not for the first time, and by this point all the awkwardness between them being naked together had all but dissipated. It wasn’t a sex thing- the first time they tried  _ that _ Noct almost fell, and then the second time  _ Ignis  _ almost fell, which would’ve been funny if there wasn’t the risk of like, breaking his tailbone, or worse. The gloating that “ _ of course it didn’t work, there’s too little friction on the wet tile”  _ with the added addition of the implied “ _ I told you so”  _ didn’t make it particularly worthwhile, either. 

 

Noct stood with his head back, one of Ignis’ hands running through his hair while the other held the shower head in an attempt to comb the last of the conditioner from his bangs.

 

“I think you’re just about done, since you’re  _ so  _ insistent upon this being over with.” He set the shower head so the jets were at the back of his neck, then down his shoulder. Alright, this was definitely going to go somewhere. Usually it was more ‘wash the hair and then  _ don’t  _ touch the expensive appliance that’s probably impossible to break anyway’ and less ‘water jet back massage.’ “How keen are you on indulging me? Just for a moment.” 

 

“ _ That’s  _ ominous.” Detachable shower heads were dangerous. He could like, thwack him over the head with it. Or shove it up his ass, which would be worse.

 

“Oh, undoubtedly so.” Ignis’ hand left his hair and gripped his hip instead, guiding him backwards until his chest was against his back. “I’d even go as far as to say it’s absolutely  _ sinister. _ ” The shower head was back up to his neck now, and he was a little ashamed at the way he shivered when he switched the mode on it from ‘rain’ to ‘massage’. 

 

“Not helping.” Tilting his head to the side, he smiled when Ignis snorted against his ear. “What’re you gonna do?” 

 

“I think it’d be better if it were a surprise.”

 

Were they really trying this again?  _ Really?  _ Not that Noct was  _ completely  _ averse to it, considering how much he liked it when he wasn’t slip-sliding (or  _ about  _ to be) to his death, but he wasn’t entirely positive that wasn’t exactly what was going to happen. 

 

Of course, he couldn’t voice these concerns considering by the time he’d figured out what, exactly, his problem with it was, Ignis had the water jets down to his nipple. 

 

“I’m, uh,” he swallowed, tensing as Ignis moved across his chest, “that’s good.” He was getting hard, which he figured was almost definitely Ignis’ intention here, and he looked down at the way Ignis held the shower head loosely in his hand, using his wrist to circle it around his nipple. Noct reached out and pressed his palm into the wall of the shower. 

 

“Still wary?” He brought it down, the water warm against his ribs, then his stomach. It was a nice feeling, definitely, but not as good as it was a second ago. “I can stop.”

 

“Don’t,” The hand on his hip wrapped around his cock instead, stroking it to full hardness and pressing it up until it was practically against his stomach. “Why’re you-” he gasped when the shower head pressed to the base of his dick and he rocked forward unconsciously, reaching back to claw the back of Ignis’ thigh. “Holy  _ shit. _ ”

 

“You’ve  _ never _ done this before?” Well that prompted a burning question: had  _ he?  _ That was a damn good mental image, blurry as it was while Ignis held the jet to his cock.

 

“Shut  _ up, _ ” it moved up his shaft slowly, until it was right beneath the head, and Noct caught himself wondering  _ why  _ he hadn’t tried this before. Goddamn, he’d been doing it wrong  _ this whole time.  _

 

“If I’d known you hadn’t, I would’ve tried this sooner.” Noct nodded in agreement, leaning his head back against Ignis’ collarbones. “How’s that?” He’d stopped with the water rushing against the underside of his cockhead, kissing the side of Noct’s neck. 

 

“Good,  _ holy shit, good, _ ” he wheezed, trying to keep his hips from moving - he didn’t want to change how the stream was hitting him, especially not with how fast it was building him up. He was sure Ignis could’ve kept it steady either way, he was good like that, but it’d be way easier if he just didn’t, y’know, move. 

 

It was a lot to handle all at once, especially since he’d never felt anything exactly like this before, but it was _good,_ hitting him just the way he didn’t know he’d wanted. He must’ve been hurting Ignis with how hard he was digging into his thigh, and his other hand thumped hard against the wall. Caught between “jamming his knees together” and “standing on his toes” he chose the latter, pressing up against Ignis so hard it was a wonder he hadn’t fallen by now.

 

Probably should ease up on that. That’d be a shitty cause of death, and Ignis didn’t deserve that.

 

He’d never quite realized how  _ lucky  _ he was to have his own private bathroom - his own private area of the building, really - until then. Mainly because, Gods, was he being  _ loud.  _ At first he’d wanted to be quiet, because what if a maid came into his room or something, but he was past the point of caring and right now he just  _ really  _ wanted to cum. 

 

He moaned probably  _ way  _ too loud when he came, and he thanked whatever Gods were looking out for him that the Citadel was built with thick walls. He would’ve been more ashamed of how fast he came if Ignis hadn’t made him cum faster before (before his pants were off if he was going into specifics, but that was neither here nor there) and if he weren’t so damn into it. 

 

While Noct was catching his breath - because  _ Shiva,  _ did he need to - Ignis hosed off his cum-smeared stomach and then hung the shower head back on the rack. 

 

He turned around, slow and careful not to trip and fall over his own damn legs because he was  _ very  _ prone to doing that after coming,  _ especially  _ since it was so intense, and his eyes wandered down to where Ignis seemed very intent on jerking himself off.

 

Batting Ignis’ hand away, Noct reached around with his other hand until he found, and double checked the label on, his conditioner and squeezed a decent amount out onto his palm. 

 

“Lemme,” he smeared the conditioner between his palms and then wrapped a hand around Ignis’ cock, grinning when he twitched in his hand. “This okay?”

 

“I suppose it’s better than soap,” he said, shuddering when Noct thumbed at the head. “Do be careful, though.” 

 

“‘Course.” He’d get down on his knees, but it was kind of too late for that because conditioner was  _ not  _ a pleasant flavor - not that he’d tasted it before, or anything - so he just stuck to hands. Maybe later. Instead, he rolled up onto the balls of his feet to kiss Ignis, loosely stroking him while he smeared slick all over his hip. Ignis breathed out against his mouth, snapping his hips forward into his looped fingers. 

 

Cupping Noct’s jaw, he held his head still while he bit his lip, making Noct moan in the back of his throat. At least neither of them had slipped or anything, so there was  _ that,  _ but Noct did get some conditioner on the floor so he was hoping Ignis was going to be as wary as he was.

 

Who was he kidding, there was no way Ignis hadn’t noticed.

 

“Feel bad? Or…” Noct’s lips wandered down to his jaw, where hints of stubble were starting to grow in. Ignis always shaved  _ after  _ they showered, so the like, half hour between ‘waking up’ and ‘post-shower’ were the only times Noct ever saw him like this. It was a good look, but Ignis had told him once that it felt too scratchy (fair) and looked unprofessional (it was a lie and they both knew it, Ignis could make anything look professional). It was alright, though - Noct was not, nor would he ever be, a fan of beard burn on his thighs.

 

“A bit.” Noct started sucking on the skin behind his ear, not long or hard enough to leave a mark but enough for Ignis to feel it, then down the column of his neck, finally ending at his collarbones. “Not any more than lotion would.” 

 

Okay, Noct wasn’t sure  _ why  _ that was surprising. It wasn’t like Ignis crawled out of the womb with an array of sexual knowledge and resources and lack of shame to buy whatever he needed to jerk off, but that was exactly how Noct had imagined it, really. 

 

“You’ve used lotion?” He laughed incredulously, quiet enough that it was almost muffled by the shower but apparently he’d been loud enough for Ignis to notice. 

 

“Is that so shocking?” Today was a day of Ignis-related sexual discovery. “We were all fourteen once, Noct.” 

 

He supposed that was true.

  
“Shut up, just…” he squeezed the base of Ignis’ dick, keeping the pressure as he worked his hand up. “Shut up.”

 

“I’m not the one keen on talking.” He sounded way too composed for someone in his position, so Noct brought his other hand into the equation. He twisted them in different directions, and after a few strokes it had Ignis burying his nose in Noct’s slicked back hair and inhaling shakily.

 

“Who’s the one keen on talking  _ now?”  _

 

“It’s still you.” 

 

Way to take the wind out of a guy’s sails. “Damn, okay.” 

 

“And yet you continue to speak.” 

 

Noct squeezed his dick, hoping it was enough for Ignis to get the idea. “Really shouldn’t be saying that to the guy who’s got your dick in his hands.”

 

Ignis’ fingers started playing with the hair at the back of Noct’s neck. “Message received.” 

 

“Good.” Noct focused one hand on the tip, rubbing the ridge beneath his cockhead, while the other kept its original rhythm. It was clumsy at first, as multitasking frequently was, but Gods be damned if it didn’t get the job done. He kept on like that for a good long while, waiting until Ignis pulled him back up into a series of rough, fast kisses to speed up any more. 

 

He was close enough when Ignis came for some of it to land on his stomach, the rest falling to the floor between them or getting caught in his hand. Ignis moaned as he pulled back from the kiss, brushing his cheekbones with his thumbs.

 

Noct could feel Ignis’ breath on his face, hardly hotter than the steam. They were both flushed all the way down to their feet, he was sure, and when he washed his palms in the spray he noticed he was pruning. Gross. How long had they been in here, anyway?

 

“How’s your thigh?” Noct leaned around to where he’d been grabbing him earlier, and snorted at the deep red nail indentations. “ _ That’s  _ gonna bruise.”

 

“Hm?” Ignis twisted around to inspect it for himself, raised his eyebrows, and nodded his head. “Well, I certainly can’t disagree.” He ran a thumb over them, as if he were appraising the marks Noct had left.

 

“Sorry,” Noct shrugged. He was not sorry. “Make it up to you lat-” he’d been reaching for the shower head to clean Ignis off so they could get out of there when his heel met the excess conditioner he’d  _ explicitly made note to avoid  _ earlier, and would’ve fallen flat on his ass if Ignis hadn’t caught him right under his armpits. 

 

He definitely didn’t squeak on the way down. That would’ve been silly.

 

“Are you alright?” Ignis asked, obnoxiously amused as he helped Noct back to his feet. 

 

“I  _ knew  _ shower sex was cursed!” He grabbed for the shower head again and  _ didn’t  _ fall that time, which would’ve been doubly embarrassing, then started the process of getting conditioner out of places where conditioner should never be. Ignis certainly could’ve helped, but he seemed way more preoccupied with keeping Noct steady to do anything more useful, which  _ really,  _ Noct couldn’t have faulted him for even if he tried.

 

“What,” Ignis said, like Noct had just told him something absolutely ridiculous. Which, objectively speaking, he had.

 

“One of us was gonna fall. I  _ knew  _ one of us was gonna fall. I  _ called it. _ ” Noct butted his foot against the wall tile. “Evil.”

 

“You can’t fault the entire shower for your being sloppy.” He wasn’t looking but he could just _ tell  _ Ignis was rolling his eyes at him.

 

“I sure as hell  _ can. _ ” 

 

Ignis raised an eyebrow, which was somehow even  _ more _ annoying than his tone, and leaned over Noct to turn off the shower.

 

“I think the steam’s gone to your head.” He took the shower head from his hands and hung it back up. “We’ve an appointment soon, so in case you want to be late…”

 

“Yeah, yeah. Jeez.” He flicked Ignis’ chest with the back of his hand, “let’s dry off.” It wasn’t like he was joking, they  _ did  _ have an appointment or five to get to, and their hair collectively took  _ at least  _ forty five minutes on a good day, because they were adults who took their hairstyles very seriously.

 

“Try  _ not  _ to slip again.”

 

“Oh, screw you.”

**Author's Note:**

> i've slept 4 hours since 3 pm Thursday (it's 7 AM Saturday rn) so fuckity b y e ya'll
> 
> [talk 2 me on twitter,](http://www.twitter.com/lGN1S) OR check out my [writing commissions!!](http://www.makeela.tumblr.com/commission) let me write porn for u


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